It is certainly not easy to stay friends after a casual hookup. However, it is possible, if you are aware of the complexity and if you do the things necessary to overcome hurt emotions and some of the common pitfalls that come with it. For one, you must make the right choice of friends. You would not choose a friend that is sensitive and easy to be offended by almost anything. It would be better to choose a friend that is open minded, willing to take chances and is confident of the friendship. Make sure it is a friend that you have a good history with. You have to keep the dialogue open between you and your friend so that you all come to a mutual understanding of what went wrong, if any and accept the role that you played, asking for forgiveness and accepting forgiveness. As long as you both take the friendship seriously, then you will want to do what it takes to overcome any differences you had during the hookup.
That is why it is important to set guidelines and specific boundaries even prior to hooking up. Keep the hookup as only casual sex and nothing else. Consider the fact that you both are just trying to get your physical needs met temporarily. Maintain the humor, honesty and openness so that your friendship can withstand any issues. Remember that no one is perfect and things can go wrong, but that if you really care about each other's well being and interests, you can find ways to make it right between you.
Having a casual hookup with a friend is never easy. It can get complicated, if it goes beyond sex. Sex is a very powerful thing because even though, it starts with lust, it can end up with love and jealousy, if you let your emotions overcome you or if one or both of you start catching strong feelings for each other. When it turns into more than sex, then the other emotions can create irrationality on both sides. It is no surprise that some friendships cannot withstand a casual hookup. However, there are many friends who decide to hookup and find it rewarding once they have set specific boundaries and guidelines beforehand. This is very important, if you want to save your friendship.
One of the most major hindrances that friends go through is when one or the other secretly desires to take the friendship to a sexual level of casual hooking up. If there was once a sexual or romantic encounter, it can become problematic. While this might not be the most likely conversation between friends, if there is any idea that your friend wants to bang you and the elephant is in the room every time you meet, it is best to get it all out in the open. You shouldn't run away from it because at one point or the other, you will be forced to face it. One of the reasons that it is better to talk about it rather than sweep it under the rug is that it could stand in the way of your friendship, even though, you might not have had sex yet.
Make sure you are both on the same page about these secret desires because the person with the desires cannot carry out a casual hookup alone. Cut to the chase and decide whether this is something that you would want to do with your friend. Think about the emotional value of your friendship and whether it is worth the risk.
There are certain pitfalls that come with casual hookups. If you can avoid these things at all cost, then you will be able to strengthen, save and maintain your relationship after the sex. If you are good friends with someone and you have decided to consummate the friendship, you may regret your decision afterwards of becoming intimate. It would be a travesty to ruin a good friendship because of your decision. So, if the friendship means a lot to both of you, it would be better to reestablish your friendship and forgive any differences.
In some instances, you may have little choice but to stay cordial, especially if you are both colleagues or have to deal with each other at work or business in a professional manner. If you both are in the same social circle, it will also become hard not to maintain some type of civility towards each other. If your friend happens to be your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend and you already have close ties such as children, then it will be in your best interest to remain friends for the sake of the children and their well being. In the long run, a good friendship is worth avoiding the drama and trying to get along. Whether you have hooked up with a friend before or after the friendship, seeing the person naked and trying to maintain a straight face is never easy. However, it is possible. Below are some tips on how to stay friends after a casual hookup.
You cannot have a casual hookup with all of your friends. You have to choose the right individual. Not every friend will be able to separate the friendship from the sex. If the person has had a bad breakup from a previous relationship in the past and did not deal with it well, then you need to stay clear of that friend as it relates to a casual hookup. Having sex with an ex is another complicated way of getting into a mess. However, some exes can put aside the reasons why you first broke up and still have sex with you and remain friends, but that would be a very unique individual. You will know from past experiences with your ex, if this is a good idea or not. If your friend is outgoing, love to take risks, bubbly, fun, adventurous, exciting, take the bull by the horns and has been a good friend for a while, you can probably take a chance with a casual hookup. You wouldn't choose a friend that you have no history with neither would you choose a friend who is highly sensitive and unable to see beyond the norm.
If you have issues with your friend, it is best to give it some time to pan out after several instances of discussing it and being open to each other's opinions and feelings. It is always good to be open to forgiveness and admitting the part that you played in everything. Sometimes, it will take time to heal any hurt that may have taken place between you. If someone went beyond the boundaries set beforehand, then you should have a conversation about it and try to resolve it. It may probably be a simple explanation. So never assume anything. Talk about it and get it out in the open. Exercise some compromise and in a situation where the friendship can only be saved if one person acts with maturity, let it be YOU! This is especially true if the friendship is worth saving after a casual hookup. Take a step back and consider what life would be like without your friend. If it strikes an emotional chord, then you may want to save the friendship and never sleep with that person ever again.
It is important that each of you know the rules and keep the rules. If not, then the friendship may suffer. One of the rules should be avoiding any type of discussion about past casual hookups, especially if you are both in a tight social circle and the person you hooked up with in the past is still in that circle. In any event, it is best not to discuss any former relationships or this can become the deal breaker. It is important to have some type of consideration for each other's feelings. Find out what would spark a controversy even before going into a casual hookup with a friend. Leave certain conversations out of the bedroom. Well, you shouldn't be talking too much in the bedroom anyway as you should be busy having sex and talking later only about the sex. If you stay on the 'sex topic,' you probably won't go wrong. You could talk about trying different sexual positions or about where you can have sex the next time around. You could discuss plans on a short getaway to have more sex. Get the picture? Keep the topic sex related or if you have to veer off this topic, discuss basic and everyday stuff.
Do not be afraid to try something new. If your friend approaches you about having a casual hookup, have an open mind about it and don't presume that it is a bad thing. If you don't want to get involved in the complexity that comes with it, then say so. Don't be coerced into something that you do not feel comfortable with. At the same time, do not be afraid of the idea, especially if you both are single and have a strong attraction for each other and physical needs that have not been met for a while. Live on the wild side for once and think about this as creating new and unusual memories that might make the friendship more exciting and less boring. Be on the playful side and consider this only about sex and enjoy the ride while it last. See each other as just friends with benefits.
Don't rush things. Take it slow and easy. When your rush into it without even talking about the things that could ruin everything, then you run the chance of actually ruining everything about your friendship. After the hookup, it would be best to keep your distance from each other for a short period of time, especially if things did not work out the way you thought. You can still communicate by text and phone, but not physically until you can resolve your issues.
After the hookup, it is best to meet each other in a social group setting and not alone. This will help you to start feeling more comfortable again with each other. Meeting in a group setting could remove the elephant in the room as long as you have been communicating via phone or text beforehand. Treat each other with respect and don't let everyone in the room realize that there is a difference in your friendship. Use humor to combat any friction. For example, you could go with the group to a comedy show, picnic in a public park or have a game night at someone's house. There are so many different ways to have a group meeting to break the ice.
Avoid talking about sex in all your conversations. That topic should be off limits. If you do talk about sex, then you are opening up a can of worms that needs to stay inside the can. You might have the temptation of talking about sex in a group setting, but make sure you generalize your input and not give examples or you will get some cross looks from your friend. This would not be a good idea if you want to stay friends. In other words, no one else in the group should know that you both had sex. Even though, one or two people in the group may already suspect or know, you should pretend that they don't.
After you experience a casual hookup with a friend and it ends, never become possessive or jealous. This will cause problems in the friendship, especially if one person is moving on and have started a new relationship. The sex is what ended and not the friendship. You should do what it takes to disconnect yourself emotionally or you may try to hold on to something that is no longer available to you. Set your ego aside and do what you can to nurture your friendship. Take the higher road and fight every temptation to take anything personal.